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The seed has been planted ...

So here I am, an excited and proud owner (lessee) of 1/8 acre plot, now what?

Couple of weeks ago, after the snow and the cold loosened it's grip, I took a first trip to see my plot. I have been eyeing it on google maps for weeks but I was excited to connect my logic of 5,445 squared feet to reality of it. Needless to say and not surprisingly, the reality of it was different from the picture in my mind. Not only was I imagining it dressed in unformed rows of lusciously green plantings, weedless and basking in the glory of the sun already, but also sectioned off with clear borders of were it begun and where it ended and neat paths running trough it. Oh yeah, that's the work that is still to be done ... BY ME!

Instead, I was standing in front of austere, frozen, gray landscape that seemed vast, very vast! I felt nothing.

Many of you know this already, I am an overly optimistic person by nature, I know that about myself. I tend to marvel in all the best parts of my vision and focus on 'end result', often totally disregarding the very core of it, the tears and the sweat. So, as I was standing there introducing myself to this land, I allowed the gravity of this responsibility enter my heart and my mind, to fill in these disregarded blanks.

I begun to feel something - I begun to feel scared AF! The good ole 'what did I get myself into?' and 'I can't do this' overwhelmed me. Yes, the idea was that I will be working this land but trust me, at that moment, IT was working me! It was digging deep too. I could feel the bitter cold of the January winter, the worst kind. The kind that makes the idea of summer unattainable. The excitement had seemed to collapse into itself, because if it was still in me, it had retreated to an unknown part. Gradually however, it resurfaced and as fear and excitement melted together, I regained my sense of optimism and gratitude for this opportunity. I acknowledged the fear, welcomed it and pledged I will not allow it to stop me this time. I pledged that I will allow myself to fail, as many times as it takes, and not feel shamed or defeated by it. I pledged to not get in my own way with obsessive strive for perfection, unreasonable expectations and unhealthy balance, (I am quite susceptible to it). Suddenly I felt a sense of peace and serenity and I took it for a good sign.

There are a lot of things that I will not be able to control, and regardless of how much this project means to me, I hope I will be able to let them go. To set that standard I decided to let go of my attachment to the 'end result' I have imagined for this season, and instead started focusing on the work, there will be lots of it.

The seed has been planted... next step, crop planning.

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